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HOWARD STERN SHOW FULL 3-3-2008 + FULL WRAP UP Show 64K MP3 CF
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Howard's Ted Kennedy Impression. 03/03/08. 6:00am
Robin Out At A Show Looking Hot. 03/03/08. 6:10am
Sirius Satellite Story Confuses Howard. 03/03/08. 6:15am
Phone Calls, A Fred Moment And More. 03/03/08. 6:20am
Hate Man Voice Mail And Richard's Funk. 03/03/08. 6:30am
Various News Stories And E-mail. 03/03/08. 6:55am
A Few Minutes With Ronnie And JD. 03/03/08. 7:10am
Sal Proves His Ignorance Again - Tomorrow Is Election Day? 03/03/08. 7:40am
Caller Finds Skull In Backyard, Afraid To Report It. 03/03/08. 7:55am
TV Show Reviews And More. 03/03/08. 8:05am
Riley Martin Comedy Act And More. 03/03/08. 8:20am
Artie Plays Win Fred's Money. 03/03/08. 8:45am
Kathleen Turner Audio Clips. 03/03/08. 9:05am
Eric The Midget Actor's Press Conference. 03/03/08. 9:15am
High Pitch Eric's Social Circle. 03/03/08. 9:25am
Snitch Spoils Sal Election Joke. 03/03/08. 9:30am
Jason Back Up To 276 Pounds. 03/03/08. 9:35am
Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 03/03/08. 9:40am
Robin's News. 03/03/08. 9:45am
Miss Howard Stern Getting New Implants. 03/03/08. 10:05am
Wrap Up Show - Jason's Weight Gain. 03/03/08. 10:45am
Wrap Up Show - Richard's Bits Not Getting Played. 03/03/08. 11:00am
Wrap Up Show - Sal's Lack Of Election Knowledge. 03/03/08. 11:30am
Howard 100 News
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Monday, March 3, 2008
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Howard's Ted Kennedy Impression. 03/03/08. 6:00am
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Show opening bits and songs included: A Jack and Rod Show bit with an author pretending to be Al Pacino, Daryl Hall performing ''Sara Smile'' live in Howard's studio.

Howard started off the show talking about how a lot of people think that Barak Obabma is a Muslim. Robin wondered if people think he's really going to get into office and take over the country like the Taliban. Howard went into his Ted Kennedy impression and talked about him doing just that. Robin said that Barak's pastor has said some stuff about him that's kind of odd. Howard continued to do the Kennedy impression on his megaphone for a couple of minutes.

Robin gave Howard some material to use in his goofing. She threw out a couple of facts for him to use in that bit. Howard threw some stuff out there that wasn't true while he was doing the Kennedy impression. Robin asked if he knows what the Taliban did to Afghanistan did when they took over. ''Ted'' said he didn't so Robin told him about some of the stuff they did like knocking down and destroying every major statue and monument over there because they have to honor no one but God.

Artie threw in some of his own Ted Kennedy impression into the discussion. Howard kept up with his impression and had a conversation with Robin about Barak. He said he thought he'd just weigh in and god knows he weighs a ton. He said that when Barak becomes President, he will put a turban on Lincoln's head.

Howard, finally out of his impression, said that Barak hasn't grabbed this election nomination yet even though a lot of people think he has.
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Robin Out At A Show Looking Hot. 03/03/08. 6:10am
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Artie found a picture of Jillian Grace over by him and talked about just how hot she really is. He said that she's a 10.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw a really hot black chick back stage at a show on Saturday night and it turned out to be Robin. Howard asked her how much weight she's actually lost. She said that it's 55 pounds. She said that's like losing a kid. She said that she's still working on losing more and she's going for that Skeletal, anorexic look. Howard told her to slim down like Jillian Grace. Robin said that's what she's going for. Howard said he wants to see her Bangladesh skinny.

The caller said that he was at a concert that Joe Perry was doing with his son. Robin said she knows the guy who put the show together and that's why she was there. She said that his son Adrian sings and it was a great show with Joe playing with them.

The caller said that he was blown away when he saw Robin there at the show. He said that he's been a huge fan of the show for years and it made his night.

Howard said that he was invited up to Joe Perry's house up in Vermont but he couldn't get himself up there. He said that he's not sure he wants to go all the way up there to go over to his house. He said that he loves Vermont but he's not sure if he can get himself up there.

The guys talked about Aerosmith and their song writing for a minute. That led to Howard reading a story about Van Halen cancelling the rest of their tour. Artie said that's a shame because everyone that he knows that saw the show loved it. Robin said she saw them perform back in November and they were great. Artie said that really sucks. He never got to see them.

Howard read the article about the cancellation and how they're just saying that it was postponed at first. Eddie may have turned up to some shows drunk and that might be one of the reasons for the cancellation. Howard said he feels bad for David Lee Roth because he needs that money. He said that he heard that Dave really does need it even though he got 8 million from K-Rock when they canceled his show.

Artie said he heard that Eddie took his son out on the road because he wasn't drinking but apparently that didn't last. Howard asked if that kid goes to school. Robin said he apparently doesn't and he can hang out with his dad.
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Sirius Satellite Story Confuses Howard. 03/03/08. 6:15am
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Howard said he heard that he's on Letterman this week and didn't know that they might be running an old show. He said he got a note from Tim Sabean about a couple of SIRIUS spacecraft that are being launched into space soon and he had no idea what they were talking about. He read the article and said he didn't have a clue about what it was about. The launch isn't supposed to happen for 2 years. Howard sounded pretty confused by most of what he was reading. He thought it might be a joke or something.

Robin said that this company apparently launches out of Kazakhstan. Howard said that if this merger doesn't go through, they should attach some guns to it and shoot down the competition. Robin talked about how much crap gets shot up into space and how they actually did have to shoot one down recently so it wouldn't come crashing down on us.

Artie said that the satellites are very expensive and that they're each like $200 million. Howard said that you make that back up eventually. Artie asked when that happens, when you sign Oprah to a deal?
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Phone Calls, A Fred Moment And More. 03/03/08. 6:20am
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A caller told Howard that the story he just read sounded like something that Riley Martin might talk about. Howard did his Riley impression a little bit before the caller asked if he could ask Fred a question. They played the Fred theme song and then the caller asked him if he thinks that the two satellite companies could make it through if this merger doesn't happen. Fred said that he is all for the merger but he wasn't sure if they could succeed if they didn't merge. He said that they're not in the business of going out of business.

Howard wrapped up the Fred segment because he wasn't sure he wanted to hear anymore about that. Howard took another call from a guy who wondered why Fred raises his hand when he wants to talk on the show. Howard said that's because he thinks he's in class. Fred said that he tries to get in instead of just talking over everyone. Howard said he appreciates that because it can get kind of noisy in there.
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Hate Man Voice Mail And Richard's Funk. 03/03/08. 6:30am
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Howard said that they've gotten some more Hate Man voice mail. Hate man called in for Black History Month and said that he was going to name an ugly black person every day of the month. He went off on Esther Roll from Good Times in the first call. He went off on her for a minute and told them to tune in the next day for more. Howard played the next one where he gave another ugly N-word rundown. He named Jimmy ''JJ'' Walker, Seal and some others that he found to be ugly. He gave the ugliest award to Jimmy ''JJ'' Walker. Howard said he'd love to see this guy do this stuff in a room with a bunch of black guys.

Howard played another Hate Man call where he went off on Robin and how she's dating Jim Florentine. He went on to brag about the size of his own knob that Robin could be sucking on instead of Jim's. He said that Robin is his monkey bastard and she'll always be his. He wished her a Happy Valentine's day during that rant too.

Howard said he had one more from the guy where he has an idea for a TV show. In that call Hate Man says that she needs to call up some of the black bitches from her past and maybe get about 12 of them to come over to her house and he'll show up and dance with them. He was throwing out the N-word and other racial slurs during the call.

Artie said that maybe Hate Man is trying to do a Lenny Bruce thing and use that N-word so much that it doesn't come across as being so harsh anymore. Howard played a song from 2 Live Crew about being ''face down, ass up, that's the way we like to fuck'' and said that was Hate Man's favorite song. He also played a prank call the guys made using some Hate Man audio clips. they called a phone sex line and had him yelling at the woman on the phone. She went right along with him and had no problem with him yelling out the N-word.

Artie said that's one of his favorite calls those guys made. Howard said that was one of Richard and Sal's great calls. He said that he heard that Richard has been going into a funk lately since he said something about one of his song parodies that didn't go over very well. He said that he just stopped one of his song parodies in the middle of it and said it wasn't that great and now Richard is all upset about it.

Gary said that Richard gets really upset when Howard doesn't play his stuff right away. HE's afraid that he's not liking his stuff. He said that when Howard didn't play one of his songs last week, he came into his office and said that he had to talk with him.

Richard came in and said that he's thinking that Howard thinks that they're kind of insane and he won't play their stuff because they're too aggressive with the songs they write about Robin. Howard said that he likes a lot of their stuff and once in a while they have a clunker. He told Richard not to worry so much about it.

Howard wondered why he wants to talk to Gary about that stuff because that's not going to change his mind about their songs. Richard said that he and Sal just need to talk to people sometimes so they can get over that stuff. Howard told him just not to worry so much.

Artie told Richard that he's gotten into those funks himself and he knows what they're going through. Richard said he gets really bummed out when Howard doesn't play their stuff because he thinks that they're not doing their job.

Howard played the song parody that Richard got upset about last week. He had cut it off early, about 20 seconds in even though it was 3 minutes long. Howard said that the song just goes on and on too long. Richard said it's got a great ending. Howard said that he should get to it faster then.

Howard let the song play through and it was getting some laughs but Howard said it just goes on and on and on. Fred said that he typically loves Richard's songs and this wasn't one of his favorites. Fred said that there was another song that Richard did that he thinks that Howard may have cut off and told him to take off the board. Gary said that to Howard it's a frivolous thing but it can send Richard into a funk for a week.

Howard told Richard to just keep doing what he's doing because they're hitting about 70 percent. He said that's fine. He said that he heard he got upset when he kicked him out when he was talking about jerking off last week. Richard said that he did get bummed about that because he thought that he might be getting too gross for him.

Howard said that he had a new call from Sal and Richard where they call a woman as Elvis. He was going to play it but he wanted something fixed in it so he stopped it about 2 seconds in. He said that they did a call where they used some Jeff the Drunk audio clips and called someone using that. They had Jeff yelling out ''Jim!'' over and over again and called some guy by the name of Jim. Howard said it was kind of funny but it didn't really go anywhere. He played the call that was only 20 seconds long and said it was fine but he's not sure how many times he's supposed to play it.

Richard said that he and Sal just want him to know that they're working hard back there. Howard said he knows that but right now Dan the Song Parody Man is the one on a roll. They talked about how Mike Morse is also doing some great songs. Those two don't even bother them with an office there, they send in their work.

Howard said that he had another bit to play but he decided against it. Artie asked Richard why they get so bummed out if he doesn't play their bits. Howard played the song parody again and cut it off after a few seconds and said that's where it should have ended.

There was a call that Richard and Sal made using clips of Big Foot calling himself. Robin said she didn't like that one so Howard said he wasn't going to play that one. He said that he really likes it but Robin said that it just didn't hit her right. He tried to convince her that it was great but it just wasn't working for her. Howard played that call and laughed at it while it was playing. Robin wasn't laughing.
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Various News Stories And E-mail. 03/03/08. 6:55am
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Howard took a call from a guy who asked about a call that Sal and Richard did where they talk to a guy and say that they agree with him. Howard had no idea what he was talking about. The caller also asked about a Page Six article about Stuttering John. Howard said that he read the article this morning and didn't know that it was that important. He said that he said some stuff about John's movie in that rant and his people may have contacted Page Six to mention it.

Howard read the article where they basically just rehash what he said on the show about John last week. Howard said that the article was actually kind of funny after reading it. He said that it probably didn't even need a publicist to bring it up tot Page Six because it was so funny.

Howard said that the lead singer of the Dave Clark 5 died of pneumonia. He said that they looked just like the Beatles when they came out. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that and some other bands from back then. Howard said that he always thought that Dave Clark was the singer but it was actually this guy Mike Smith. He had some kind of accident where he injured his spinal cord when he fell off a fence so he was paralyzed for the past few years. Howard said that he would never do anything like climbing a fence.

Howard said that he got some e-mail about Gennifer Flowers' appearance last week. He read through some of that and people were wondering why he'd have her on the show. He said that if he was a Hillary Clinton backer he wouldn't have had her on. Howard said that he's not going to keep her off the show just because of that.

Howard brought up this Randi Wright chick that was on the show last week. There were some people who wrote in about her being a dog and how she really wasn't as hot as Howard and Artie were saying. Howard and Artie said that she was very good looking.

Howard said that one guy said that her tits looked like birthday balloons a month after the party. Howard said that might be the greatest line ever. He got a laugh out of it. He talked about some of the other feedback he got about her and said that he thought she was hot. Fred said that her tits were great but her eye make up was kind of fucked up. Artie said that she was hot. He said that her tits were beautiful.

Howard wondered if the Howard TV guys had that episode with her on it yet. Gary told him a short time later that the show was up. Howard seemed confused by the statement that Gary made so he goofed on him about that. He said that they might need an intercom in the Howard TV booth back there. Gary said that if he wants that to happen he can make it happen by tomorrow. Gary wasn't sure that Howard would want that access for them because then they could interrupt at any time.

Howard goofed on Gary for a few minutes and Fred played a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies. Fred also had a clip of Gary interrupting him over his intercom that he kept playing to throw off his flow.
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A Few Minutes With Ronnie And JD. 03/03/08. 7:10am
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Howard read some mail about Ronnie the limo Driver and said that he got angry when Ronnie told him about going out to Vegas to hang out with Bubba and the guys. He said that Ronnie has some lifestyle now and it makes him angry. he's not even sure why. He said he had fun himself but he's not sure why he's mad at Ronnie for having fun. He aids he's not sure he'd even want to go out to Vegas like that but it makes him angry that Ronnie was out there.

Ronnie came in and talked about what Bubba does out there but he didn't have that much to say about it. He just said that Bubba emcee's part of the show and then Spice Boy emceed some of the show. He said that they had some jokes and they'd mess with the audience members and stuff like that.

Ronnie said that one of the fans is dying of cancer and he's going to be buried in a Bubba Army t-shirt so they were talking about that. Howard said he's not sure how he can fly out there like that. Ronnie said that he stayed out there at the Venetian and went out there with Jim McClure from SIRIUS. He wasn't sure why Howard was mad at him though.

Howard said that the other day he had to get somewhere and the driver didn't know how to get there. He said that he got mad at Ronnie for that because he's supposed to be there heading the operation. That led to the two of them going off on one another.

Ronnie told Howard that he should always have an address with him when he wants to go somewhere but Howard said that he doesn't need to carry it. He thinks that they should just know where he's going and know how to get there.

Ronnie talked about the places he went out to eat at and mentioned he was at Nobu. Howard said that Ronnie doesn't even like fish but he went to Nobu. Then they talked about Ronnie being at Rick's Cabaret the night before he went to Vegas. Ronnie asked Howard who was feeding him all of that information.

Howard said that no one was feeding him anything, he was told by someone before the show that he was at Rick's the other night. Ronnie said that JD has been living in strip clubs lately. He doesn't even have any money.

Gary said that JD admitted that he's been going to strip clubs before even coming to work. JD said that happened twice. He said that he's not going to them that often. JD said that he did go on a Thursday night before he had to go to work. He said that they treat him really well at the clubs because of who he is.

JD claimed that he only spends about $100 at those clubs but Ronnie said that he spent like $325. JD said that's what he was about to spend but Lonnie told him not to do it and put a stop to it. He said that he was having fun out there and Lonnie told him to just stay out there and not go to the VIP room.

Jason talked about this woman that was dancing for JD and how big she was. He said that she was fat and JD fell for her right away. He said that he had a look of love on his face and when she started to dance for him, JD disappeared like it was an eclipse.

Howard told JD that he shouldn't even know what a strip club looks like because he doesn't make enough money. The guys talked about some of the stuff that he was doing and how it was all kind of ''loserish'' to them. Artie said that JD should be going out to bars and talking to regular chicks there. Howard said that regular chicks don't talk to him though.

Howard heard that JD blew his whole tax return on a girl at some club he went to. JD said that he did that and it was a long walk home that night. Artie said that JD and Teddy will go out to a club when they go out on the road and JD will blow a ton of money every time. They were calling him Jamie and Howard said that he thought they got rid of that name. He doesn't even know Jamie, he only knows JD.

Ronnie told Howard that when he was out in Vegas he tipped a woman $100 for serving them at one of the places he went to. There was a guy on the phone saying that was bullshit and there's no way he did that. Ronnie called that guy a jealous mother fucker.

Howard took another call from a guy who said that Ronnie is apiece of shit. Ronnie said that all of these people are like that. He said he was on the plane yesterday and said that a fan stopped him on the airplane and told him how great he was. Then he called him a fuckin jerk off when they got off the plane. He said all of the fans are like that.

Howard said he heard that JD likes to keep in touch with his strippers through Myspace. JD said that he does look for them on there. Gary said that he heard that JD was trying to find that chick who was in with Flo Rida on Myspace. Robin asked what he does if he does find them on there. JD said that he'll just say what's up. He said he hasn't really established a relationship with any of them on there.

The caller on the line was making noise and calling Howard an asshole but he didn't have a good explanation why he was doing that. Howard hung up on him after that.

Ronnie told Howard that Bubba is going to be doing a show in Atlantic City this July so they'll all have to go down there for that. He said that they do a lot of good stuff during the show they do. He talked about how 25 Cent will run around with a chain and collar on like he's a little monkey. He said that it's funny but Howard thought that sounded a little racist to him. Ronnie said that Ned does a bunch of parodies and stuff like that during the show too.

Ronnie said that they go for about 2 and a half hours but they have a 15 minute intermission. He said it was a lot of fun out there. They had to go to break a short time later.
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Sal Proves His Ignorance Again - Tomorrow Is Election Day? 03/03/08. 7:40am
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After the break Howard came back and said he heard a clip of Jim Cramer asking a congressman about why the satellite merger isn't being approved. He said he loves that guy. He had Lisa G come in after that. Lisa said that they have a story about Riley Martin and his stand-up comedy act at a comedy show over the weekend. They also have a story about Mutt from SternFanNetwork who left behind a dozen beer bottles and some porn magazines under his bed at the hotel he stayed at.

Lisa said that they'll have a story about an article (Did Howard Stern's sidekick go too far?) that was written about Artie and his use of the word ''fag.''

Howard said that he had to do something right then. He said that Sal thinks that tomorrow is election day so he wants to have him come in so they can ask him about that. He was isolated so he didn't hear him bring that up.

Lisa ran through some of the other stories that they're working on. They have one about one of the contestants from American Idol who thinks that Howard's support for Sanjaya last season was the reason he got kicked off.

Sal came in so Howard asked him who he's voting for tomorrow in the election. Sal said he's going to vote for McCain. He's going to register today. Howard told Sal that he's proud of him and asked him how he learned it was election day tomorrow. Sal said that he thought they were going to have the day off. He said that he saw on the news that it's coming down to the wire.

Sal said that he knew who was running for President. He said it was Barak, Hillary, McCain and Huckabee. Howard asked him who it is that's actually running for President. He ran down those names again and said the same thing.

Sal said that once the election happens they become President immediately. Howard told Sal that he's so proud that he wants to send Howard TV with him so they can see him register to vote and all of that. Sal didn't think they should do that because it's not that big of a deal.

Howard asked Sal who is going to be the Vice President in the election. Sal said that he thinks that they name them after they're elected. Sal said that he's picking McCain because Barak is a phony and they all know he's a phony. He said it has nothing to do with his race though.

Sal said that Hillary is a broad and you just can't trust women. He said it has nothing to do with his marriage that he's saying that though.

Sal gave some reasons for not voting for Huckabee, Hillary and Barak. He said that Huckabee's name is too goofy and we're already being made fun of around the world.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that he can't believe that Sal is this stupid. He said he's not sure that anyone can be that dopey. Howard hung up on him before he spoiled the secret. Another caller asked Sal if he wanted to issue another ''traction'' like he did one other time. Sal said that he knows that it's a ''retraction'' now.

Sal said that he's trying to prove that he can do something right now and then. That's why he's going to register to vote. Howard said he's very proud of him. Sal mentioned that he thought that tomorrow was going to be a day off so Artie said that they really should have off.

Sal said he thought he was smelling shit there and wondered if it really was election day tomorrow. Howard said that it was and they were just very proud of him for knowing that it's election day. He thought that the primaries had already happened and tomorrow was the ''secondary'' and final election. Howard let Sal go a short time later and said that they'll know tomorrow night who the new President is. He told Sal to make sure that he has the Howard TV crew go with him when he registers to vote.

Howard took some phone calls and some people goofed on Sal. One caller asked how Sal passed the test he took for the stockbroker job he had. Howard figured he had to have cheated.

The caller said that he's been getting his balls broken at work, as a cop, because of Howard supporting Hillary. He said that she doesn't do anything for the cops and they don't want her elected.

One caller asked Howard about that thing with Sal and if that was actually Beetlejuice doing an impression of Sal. He said that he has to go vote in the Secondary tomorrow. Howard left Sal hanging and didn't tell him that he was wrong about the whole thing.
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Caller Finds Skull In Backyard, Afraid To Report It. 03/03/08. 7:55am
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Howard said that Eric the Midget held a secret press conference the other day. Eric held this one at around 2 in the morning. He said that it was a ''mandatory'' secret press conference. He said that if they wanted to be in the know, they had to show up. JD said that it was the same ol' stuff that he was going over.

Howard said that he was going to get to that but a caller said that he found a skull in his back yard. He took the call and let the guy talk about that. The guy said that he was trying to plant a tree but he found a human skull there in his backyard. He said that he couldn't go to the cops or anything because he thought his father might have something to do with it.

The caller went on to say that his father was involved in construction and he may have had something to do with that. Artie asked him what town he was in. The guy just went over the story again and said that he didn't want to say because he didn't want to get into trouble.

The caller said that his father was away for 6 months and he's afraid to bring it up to him because he's afraid that he'll end up in the back yard with that other skull. He said that one of their neighbors had a big bull mastiff dog that would shit on their yard and that guy vanished one day. He said that he just disappeared but no one was sure what happened to him. He said that was about the same time they had some new sod installed in the back yard. He said he's kind of putting 2 and 2 together now.

Howard asked the guy if he's reliant on his father and that's why he's afraid of telling anyone. He said that he's 27 and still lives at home so, yes, he is relying on his father. He said that he took the skull and threw it under his deck. He said that he took a picture of it and sent it to them too.

Artie told the guy to just leave the skull there and not bring it up again. Just keep playing in the band and keep it under wraps. Howard said that's fucked up when you suspect your father of something like that. The caller said that he's afraid that something could happen to him. Another caller said that this guy is a liar because you don't plant trees in the fall. The skull guy said that it was an all year round type of tree so it was being planted in the fall.

The guys asked the caller if he found any holes in the skull or anything. He said that he didn't look for anything like that. Another caller said that if the neighbor just disappeared then why wasn't it reported to the cops. Skull guy said that it was an older guy and no one is sure what happened to him. That guy wasn't buying his story either.

Artie told the guy that he has to have all of his bases covered if he calls in with a story like that. Another caller said that every backyard in New Jersey has a skull in it. He said that it's not a big surprise and he should just make a bong out of the skull.

Howard asked the guy what he wants him to say. He wondered if he wanted to know if he went to the cops or something. Howard told him he should but Artie told him not to. The guys found the picture of the skull that the guy had sent in and it was real. The guy, Chad, said he's not sure what to do now. Howard said that he's not sure what to tell him and wished him luck. He let him go a short time later. Howard said he thinks that he should go to the cops, even if it is his father who buried it there. Artie said that if he loves his father he shouldn't turn him in.

Howard took a call from Mutt who said that he didn't leave any bottles or porn in his room. He said he thought that the story was just something that Shuli made up. Shuli said that Mutt was on Miserable Men last night and he didn't deny the story though. He said that they found a bunch of porn magazines and they were really old ones.

Howard said that they're never going to get to the bottom of that and just wrapped up and moved on. He said he's not sure that anyone cares so he moved on.
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TV Show Reviews And More. 03/03/08. 8:05am
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Howard said that he's been watching this HBO show ''In Treatment'' and he really likes that. He talked about that for a minute and then Gary asked him if he watched the latest episode of Lost. He said he had and he thought it was one of the best episodes yet. They spent a minute on that but Howard had to go to break.

Howard mentioned that Artie was going to be playing Fred in Win Fred's Money but he didn't have a chick there to get naked. they said that there has to be something that he can do if he loses. They said that maybe he should have to weigh in. Artie aid that wasn't a very big payoff though. Howard said that it's a big payoff for them. They thought about having him show his dick to Robin or something like that. He said that he couldn't do that because he's too close a friend with Jim Florentine.

Gary told Artie that there isn't any money involved in this either. He said that he's just going to play Fred for no reason. Fred said that Artie has an amazing memory and he thinks that he might have a chance at beating him. Artie said that he'd like to give a charity money or something.

Howard suggested that Robin and Lisa G have to make out if Artie loses. Fred said that if he loses then Lisa G and Robin have to make out. Robin sounded confused by that.

Richard came in and gave some suggestions like shooting mayonnaise on Artie's chest if he loses, or maybe pull out some hairs from his chest. Sal said he wanted to paint on a Thurman Munson moustache on Artie with his pouch. Howard asked him if he had to vote or something. Sal said he knows that something is up with that and he's not sure what's going on. He said that some people are telling him that it's not election day. Howard told him not to pay attention to that. He said he had to go to break a short time later.
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Riley Martin Comedy Act And More. 03/03/08. 8:20am
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After the break Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that on Friday he heard Mel Brooks on another show on SIRIUS. Howard said that the saga is going on with Mel. He was supposed to come on the show and he booked himself for the show last week but then they got a call from his people saying he wasn't going to be coming in. He said that he heard that he wanted to personally apologize to him for that but he didn't want the guy to have to do that. The caller said that he was on Dee Snider's show and did about 2 hours of an interview.

The caller told Howard that he's really into this Terminator TV show and asked some questions about her having a vagina and things like that. Howard said that of course they have a vagina, they're made to look human. He said that chick playing the Terminator chick is really hot too.

Howard read that SIRIUS is going to keep E Street Radio going. He talked about that with Artie for a few seconds and then played some audio of a guy who growls like a dog when he's having sex in porn movies. He said that he pictures Artie sounding like that. Artie said he probably does.

Howard said that he doesn't make any noise at all when he's doing it. Beth even points that out sometimes. He said that he has some kind of paranoia that keeps him from doing that.

Howard had some audio of Riley Martin doing his act at a comedy show at Bob Levy's comedy club over the weekend. He said that Riley did a show on Friday night and another one on Saturday. Saturday night he was loaded and blitzed out of his mind. He said that Howard TV went to the night that he was coherent.

Howard played some of Riley's act where he went off on Howard and then did some jokes about Ronald Reagan and how his last name spelled backwards is the N-word. Riley also talked about his partner E-Ron and how he met him. He told some stories about him and about some other stuff that didn't make a hell of a lot of sense.

Riley did manage to keep the audience with him and they were laughing and actually listening to his act. His stories were long and drawn out but the audience wasn't heckling him or anything. Howard asked what the hell was going on there. Artie aid that it was the most tolerant crowd he'd ever heard.

Howard played a few minutes of Riley's act but it was all nonsense. He said that the next night Riley was a little more out of it. He played some of the audio of that and Riley was slurring his speech so much that it was unintelligible. He was getting laughs but it wasn't clear what he was even saying. Howard said that he kind of fell apart that night. Robin said that's the night she would have rather have been to.

Howard heard that Riley brings his parrot with him wherever he goes and he apparently doesn't like the parrot which is his wife's. Shuli told Howard about how Riley started drinking on Saturday morning and drank from about 10am to 6pm. He heard he fell off the bar stool during that time and Bob Levy started to freak out. He had some tape from Riley's room where he went to do an interview. In the clip you can hear this bird making noise and Riley's wife asking him questions about his shoes and stuff like that.

The bird's noise sounded like an alarm clock or something and it kept doing it every few seconds while Shuli was in the room. Shuli said he couldn't get out of that room fast enough. He said that Riley claimed that he had food poisoning that night that he was slurring his words.

Howard played more of Riley's act from Friday night where he wasn't slurring his speech. He talked about how his contract was going to be ending soon and how he wants them to give him more money.

Shuli said that Riley went on for 20 minutes on Saturday night and he had to hold him up that whole time. Howard played more of Riley's act where he was thanking the audience for giving him the benefit of the doubt. Then the crowd starts chanting ''Cheap Jew Bastard'' over and over again. Howard said that was some act he's got there. Shuli said it was actually great how he was able to keep the crowd with him all that time.

Shuli said that Bob Levy has to pay Beetlejuice not to drink, now he's going to have to pay Riley not to drink on the weekends so he can do the shows. He said that Riley showed up right before he was supposed to go on stage so Bob was freaking out thinking that he was going to flake out on them.

Shuli said that Riley was selling some stuff at the show and he had a line of people waiting to buy it. He said that there were big fat guys leaving with Riley headbands on. Shuli said that Riley did about 7-10 minutes on Friday night but then on Saturday he did about 20 minutes.

Al Rosenberg called in and said that Shuli looked like a doctor holding up a stroke victim up on stage there at the show on Saturday. Howard said that Al is on Miserable Men (Sundays at 7pm on Howard 101) now too.

Howard took a call from Riley who said that he was sick on Saturday night and he told them about it 2 days before. He said that he was more stable on Friday night. He said that he was really sick and it wasn't the alcohol that was making him act like that. Shuli said that he was drinking at 10 in the morning drinking on Saturday morning. Riley told him not to sit at the table with him anymore then. He said that he has no sympathy in his heart and he thought he was a decent human being but now he knows he's a dirt wad.

Howard played some more of the audio of Riley on Saturday night and said that he did sound drunk to him. Riley said that it was food poisoning. He said that he's on probation so he wasn't drinking. He told Shuli that his act is a piece of shit and he's funnier than he is any day of the week. He said that if he wants to tear him down in front of these people then he's not a decent human being. He told him to stay away from him in the future ''you motherfucker.'' By that time they had pulled a clip of Riley's bird so Fred threw that in the middle of the discussion with him.

Riley said that the parrot that goes with him is his friend. He said that the bird is about 31 years old and that's his buddy. He said that he likes to go out on the road with him. He said that he bird loves the limelight and that's why he takes it out on the road.

Howard said that Riley is claiming that he wasn't drunk on Saturday night. Riley said that's because he's on probation and he's not supposed to be drinking. He said that Shuli is really trying to fuck him over by talking about this stuff on the air.

Shuli said that Riley was talking about how funny he was the other night and now he's saying that he wasn't funny at all. Riley said that he's putting him down and that's why he's going off on him. Riley gave Shuli a 1.5 rating for his comedy act. He said that he was trying to give him some kudos the other night when he told him how funny he was.

Syrus called in and said that Riley wasn't all that great on Friday night. He said he tuned him out when he was up on stage. Riley asked him why he came out to the show then. Syrus said that he was there to see a good show and see the other guys.

Riley said that he got a standing ovation that night and he wants Shuli to stay out of his business from now on. He wants him to stay away from him and from his family. Shuli said he has no problem with that. Fred kept throwing in that bird cawing sound once in a while during the call. Howard was going to let him go but a phone caller said that Riley just blew a Breathalyzer 3 times the legal level over the radio.

Riley said that he'll be doing another show down in Atlantic City at the end of this month. Howard let him go and took another call from a guy who said that he was at the show and thought Riley was actually good.
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Artie Plays Win Fred's Money. 03/03/08. 8:45am
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Howard had Artie and Fred prepare for this Win Fred's Money thing. He said that he's not sure why Artie thought that he could take him on. Artie said that he's not sure he can. Robin said that Fred thinks that something is going on there and they must have stacked the game with sports questions.

Artie said that he tied Fred once but he never beat him when he was playing along.

1. What nation is divided in two by the Cook straight? - New Zealand
2. In the second Punic war, what general crossed the alps with elephants to attack Italy? - Hannibal
3. Before he escaped and returned to France, Napoleon Bonaparte was exiled to what island? - Elba
4. The young of which long neck bird is called a signet? - Swan
5. When facing Mt. Rushmore which president is the furthest right? - Abe Lincoln
6. In in Romeo and Juliet what was Romeo's last name? - Montague
7. What President was romantically linked to Betsy Walker, the wife of a neighbor? - Thomas Jefferson

Artie got just one right out of the 7. Howard had Fred some in and said that he'll probably get at least 4. Robin agreed. Howard had Fred get up there and took it with 4. They went over some of those answers and told Fred which one's he got right.

Artie had to go over and weigh himself after that loss. The guys weren't sure how much he was going to weigh but Howard said he may have lost some weight. He came in at 295 pounds. Artie said that he knew that it was going to be anticlimactic. Howard said that he had a look on his face like he was proud that he was thin. Artie said that he was kind of proud of that. He said that he was strutting around the studio like he was really proud after that.

Artie said that it might have been the stress from this whole thing. He said that this was the most stressful thing that he's done on the show. He said that he's also got that trip to the Middle East soon and he was told to lose some weight for that.

Artie said that he kind of took a guess on the Thomas Jefferson question and just happened to get it right. He said that he didn't actually know that one answer that he got correct. Howard said that he had to take another break a short time later.
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Kathleen Turner Audio Clips. 03/03/08. 9:05am
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After the break we heard a clip from a show that Sal and Richard prank called. Fred played some Tom Petty ''Free Fallin'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and said that he was listening to Larry King interviewing Kathleen Turner. He said he was just thinking about how hot she used to be and now she's a mess. He said that it's like Peggy Sue grew a cock. He played some of that audio and she sounds like a man now. In the clip Kathleen was talking about these operations she has to have done every year. She said that they cut out all of the damaged joints in her feet and knees.

Howard said that she claims that she hasn't had sex in 2 years and that was hard to believe. He said that sarcastically. He said that her husband must have left her when her voice got deeper than his. She told Larry that she hadn't had sex in 2 years and she's not sure if she could have had it from someone other than her husband or not. Artie said he can't believe how she sounds now. Howard told him that she's actually younger than he is.
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Eric The Midget Actor's Press Conference. 03/03/08. 9:15am
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Howard said that JD got a note from Eric the Midget asking him to be part of this press conference he held last night in the middle of the night. He had some audio of that press conference where Eric talks about why he was holding it. Eric said that they're under attack there at JFSC and there are people using Gestapo like tactics to attack him and the people there. He said that this guy is using Steve Langford to spread lies about them over there. He said that Langford is doing interviews and chopping them up to make them sound like they're lying. Eric gave his statement and said that Johnny Fratto wasn't there because he had taken his Ambien pill and was out cold.

Howard said that he's not sure what he's doing there to make Eric so angry. In another clip Eric said that he was blaming the news team for all of this and not Howard. He said that Howard puts his name on that news team and they're representing him. King and Gina, Eric's co-hosts, were asking Eric some questions about what they're supposed to do and Eric basically said that they shouldn't be talking to anyone about what happens there.

Howard said that he's glad that Eric has this going on now because it's giving him a bit of a life. Robin said that she's not sure why Kendra isn't talking to him now. Eric hasn't heard from her since all of this went down recently.

Howard had another clip where Eric said that he wants to have a one on one conversation with him. Eric said that he would like to have a nice one on one conversation with him off the air. He said that he'd like to explain his side of the whole thing. Eric said that Howard was concerned with Kendra hurting him and his news team beat her to that because they ruined it all for him. He said that he was hurt by them and not Kendra.

Eric was saying that Kendra wasn't the one who hurt him so Robin and Howard talked about how they think they were right. Howard said he feels bad for Eric about what happened.

In another clip Gina boots someone for asking Eric if he's upset that Howard was right about what he said. They're actually keeping track of the amount of people they kick from the chat room while Eric is on. They had a count of 275 for 3 days. King told Eric to let the people in the room know who was the real boss there. Eric said that he's the boss.

In another clip Eric was asked if he was upset about Johnny calling into the show last Thursday. There was a technical problem at that point and it sounded like an old film skipping as he was talking. Fred played some jack hammering sounds as Howard was pretending to be Eric talking on his megaphone. The guys talked about Johnny Fratto's call to the show last week and how great that was.
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High Pitch Eric's Social Circle. 03/03/08. 9:25am
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Howard then took a call from High Pitch Eric who said that he got booted out of that JFSC chat room 3 times. He said that he's got his own chat room going now and you can check that out at HiPitchSocialCircle.com. He said that he was shirtless on cam this morning. Howard had the guys pull him up so he could look at that.

High Pitch told Howard what the web site was a couple of times and said that he got banned too many times in that JFSC chat. He said that they banned him because they thought that he was bad mouthing Johnny Fratto. Howard finally saw Eric on cam and described how disgusting he was. Artie wanted to see what else was in his apartment so Eric spun the camera around and showed it. Eric said that he was at a friend's house.

Artie told Eric that he's not clean and it's just gross. Howard asked to see his penis but Eric said he didn't want to do that. Howard asked where his dog was and played some clips of him talking to the dog saying ''Stop it, stop it!'' as the dog was growling.

Eric said that the people on JFSC are just not nice and people can come into his room and chat any time. He said he won't kick them out. Joey Boots called in and told Howard that Eric isn't working again and not paying rent, that's why he's at his friend's house. Eric said that's not true. Joey said that Eric is up in Connecticut right now, that's why he's not home. Joey said that he's working right now posting on SFN. He told Eric that he's a liar and a leach.

Irish John called in and asked Eric what's going on with him and his job. He said he was teaching Eric how to keep a job and now he's getting involved in all of this video camera crap. He said that Eric is the only one not working in construction right now claiming that the weather isn't good enough. John said that Eric should be out working but he's topless on a web cam instead. Irish John told Eric to call his boss and get back to work. Eric said that at least he's not JFSC.
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Snitch Spoils Sal Election Joke. 03/03/08. 9:30am
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Howard said that someone there tipped Sal off to the fact that tomorrow isn't election day. He had Sal come back in and asked him who it was that told him. Sal said it was a random e-mailer and he wasn't sure who it was. Howard asked Sal if his wife even knows that stuff. He said that she told him that it's in November so she does know.

Sal said that he knows that something is going on tomorrow. He said he's not sure what it is. He said that it's not his thing and it's not fair for them to ask him what it is. He said that they're supposed to be knocking some people out of the primaries in the secondaries.

Howard told Sal what's actually going on tomorrow. Artie said that he can't believe that he doesn't know this stuff. He told him that he's just stupid. Howard explained to Sal that they have these primaries to pick people to run for President. He said that Hillary and Barak are doing these primaries and they're trying to get the democratic nomination.

Sal was telling Howard and Robin about the stuff he thinks he knows about Presidents picking their vice presidents and how that can happen at the last moment. Gary said that Sal thinks that they can just wait until the last minute to make that decision. Howard said they were going to have Sal go down and fill out some paper work there in the lobby of the building. He kicked Sal out a short time later.
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Jason Back Up To 276 Pounds. 03/03/08. 9:35am
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Howard said that Robin was saying that she thinks that Jason might be just as big as Artie is now. She said that he's wearing a Yankee shirt that's giant and the size of a tent. They had Jason come in and get on the scale. He was back up to 276 pounds. He said that he stopped watching his weight and he's been gaining it all back.

Jason said that he stopped working out and he really has to get back to it. He said he knows that he has to lose the weight, he's not stupid.
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Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 03/03/08. 9:40am
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Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 news preview. Steve said that they're on a story about Kendra's ex-boyfriend and how she talks about how she's been on the Stern show but never mentions Eric the Midget. They'll have more on that later. they also have a story about Johnny Fratto who said that he compared his son meeting Eric to a scene where a kid meets an alien. That led to the guys doing their Johnny Fratto impressions for a few seconds.

Steve said they called Big Foot to see how he was doing and he got upset with them. That led to Howard playing a prank call Big Foot made to a guy about a lost dog.

Steve wrapped up his news preview with some plugs for Chuck Zito, Miserable Men and Greg Fitzsimmon's shows that are all airing tonight on Howard 101.

Jon Hein came in and ran down the stuff they'd be covering today on the Wrap Up Show. He mentioned some of the segments that they'll be talking about and I'll have full Wrap Up Show coverage later today. They ended up talking about the size of Jason's Yankee sweat shirt that was the size of a tent. Artie said he feels bad making fun of people who are that out of control. He said that he's going to run a diet and exercise plan for him.
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Robin's News. 03/03/08. 9:45am
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Howard read some news stories and went through a couple of things about singer Pink and how she's getting a divorce. He had Robin get into her news after Fred played one of Mike Morse's song parodies about her. Howard asked Robin if she and Jim did anything over the weekend. They didn't do anything and missed each other trying to call each other. She said that she didn't get to talk to him this weekend at all. They kept playing phone tag. Howard said that was surprising. Robin said that she wasn't sure if she spoke to him or not but Howard figured she had to remember that. She said that she may have spoken to him on Friday.

Howard said that Robin seems annoyed when he asks her about Jim. She said she wasn't, she was just thinking trying to remember if she had.

Howard said he was reading a story about a mountain climber who saw that someone had written ''You suck Baba Booey'' on a mountain that he was climbing. He said that the guy didn't know why someone would climb up a mountain just to write that.

Robin read a story about TAB The Band which is the band that Joe Perry's kids are in. She had Howard playing some of their stuff. He said it sounded pretty good to him and he could probably get into it. He played a couple of their songs. Howard was able to figure out why they named the band TAB when Robin said that the kid's names all started with T, A and B (Tony, Adrian and someone else).

Howard was yawning and said he wasn't able to sleep last night because he lost a game of chess. He said that he kept himself up thinking about why he lost and now he's thinking about giving up the game because of that loss. He said he lost over a stupid mistake so that's why he was so upset with himself.

Howard talked a little bit about the TAB The Band stuff and how he's not sure if Joe Perry's kids should be in the same business as their father. He said that he wanted to do what his father did but he told him ''no'' when he asked. He said that's like Stephen King's son writing horror books. Gary said that they're actually good from what he's heard.

Robin asked Howard if he would be the spokesperson for Viagra if they came to him and offered $2 million. He said that he would do that and he'd even let them say he was the head of the Nazi party for $2 million. She was reading a story about how Simon Cowell turned down a job doing that for Viagra over in England. Artie said that he should be the face of Viagra. He said he's 40, overweight and he looks like he needs it. Howard said that Kathleen Turner could probably be the face of Viagra. Artie said that she'd be the face of whatever makes you lose a hard on. Howard played some audio clips from her interview with Larry King and goofed on that deep voice of hers. Fred got in on the goofing and did his Herman Munster voice for Kathleen Turner.

Robin read a story about the Van Halen tour being canceled and how Eddie Van Halen might be the cause of the problems. She had another story about a study that was done where they found that women are better liars than men are. She read a story about a Food Network host who was found to have lied about his previous jobs.
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Miss Howard Stern Getting New Implants. 03/03/08. 10:05am
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Andrea, Miss Howard Stern, called in and said that she's having some problems figuring something out. She said that she needs to get some kind of medical clearances done before she gets her breast implants done tomorrow. She wondered what a chemical profile is and what she has to do. Howard told her that she just needs to get her blood tested. He asked her why she's getting her breasts done. She said she wants them to look more natural. She said that they are going to be big but they'll look better than they did.

Andrea said that she's afraid that they're not going to be able to do the operation because of all of the pills she takes. She said she had her lips done last week and they look great. Artie told her to get the boobs so big that they can't even see her face. She said they're going to be a little bigger than they were. Howard told her that she's ruining herself by doing all of this.

Howard wished Andrea luck with all of that. He let her go and said that she's only 25 and she's depressed about getting old.

robin got back to her news and read a story about a woman who wrote a book about her Jewish family and their time in the Nazi concentration camps that turned out to be lies. Robin had a story about Rosie O'Donnell who is asking her blog visitors if they think it's time for Larry King to step down and stop interviewing.

Howard had to take a break in the middle of the news, around 10:10am. After the break Howard came back and played a clip of Fran Drescher pissing off Larry King when she was on recently. She was reading something in Spanish and Larry asked her what the hell she was doing. He wasn't really upset or pissed though. Howard heard that he had gotten pissed.

Robin had a story about Prince Harry secretly being in the military until he was outed by some various news sources. She read another story about this guy who got sick after handling some Ricin in his hotel room. She some news about Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton which got Howard to do his Ted Kennedy impression again. He kept that up for a while during Robin's reports.

Robin read a story about some doctors who were investigated in the Heath Ledger overdose case. She read another one about Ellen Degeneres breaking down and crying while talking about a kid who was killed.

Artie talked about seeing George Carlin's latest special and how the guy is looking really frail at the age of 70. He said the guy is still funny though. Robin read through a few more stories and wrapped up a short time later. They ended the show around 10:40am.
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Wrap Up Show Wrap Up
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Wrap Up Show - Jason's Weight Gain. 03/03/08. 10:45am
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Jon Hein started off the Wrap Up Show as usual introducing everyone in the studio and going over the stuff they were going to try and cover. He started the guys off talking about Robin throwing Jason under the bus about his weight gain. Gary said that Robin is the worst offender about making fun of fat people now that she's thin. He said that he thinks that Robin is going to gain that weight back that she lost because people can only keep it off for so long.

Jason said he knew that someone would bring it up eventually and he was surprised it was Robin. He said that he understands that ti's the show and that's what they do. Gary said that Jason has 5 pounds left to go before he gets up to his heaviest. Jason said he knows that his sweat shirt is way too big but he could gain another 500 pounds before he'd fill it out.

Gary said that it sucks waiting for people to notice that you've put on all of that weight that you lost. Jason said that he's mentally fine and he's not that worried about the weight gain. He said that he threw his whole diet out the window after the weight loss ch